What the future holds is obviously complete speculation.
I will stand up and say that I hope for great things, great hurdles overcome and I hope overall to be surprised.
I find myself on a day to day basis being surprised by Kannon and his advances in life. He clearly is fighting a bigger battle than I could ever create or imagine in my clouded mind. He is a true warrior of a class beyond my creation.
His clarity and fight for being better is sometimes overwhelming. I find myself at times ignoring his speedy human advances in life...why? I have no clue. Maybe because having a kid with Autism is a minute to minute experience. Sometimes moments need to be reflected on at at later time....If I can catch up with his life intentions.
I was watching the movie "There's Something About Mary" tonight and I found myself laughing out loud at the character Warren. I have seen this movie at least 5 times before and always knew deep down that Warren's character has Autism without them coming out and saying it. The physical ticks, the repetitive behavior, etc...it's Autism.
Anyways, not until tonight for whatever reason was I able to laugh out loud at his character. Even in the quiet of my own home...the mother of an Autistic child, I still couldn't let go and just laugh.
Well to be honest, Autism just isn't funny. Especially if you've lived with it for as long as I have.
BUT, to be able to find the humor in the honesty of it was what got to me tonight. For whatever reason I could laugh at the beautiful, pure, honesty of what it looks like from the outside.
Clearly I know what goes on behind closed doors. The therapy, the words of wisdom/hurt, the daily grind of Autism...It's just not that funny on most days.
But the overall beauty in being able to find pureness in my son's condition through a silly movie was wonderful. After all, the one thing in life I find the most healing is laughter. It is just my thing.
Autism isn't funny...I mean come on. Those of you who live it everyday know this to your core.
But the raw beauty and literal undertones can be. The black and white of it. The no Bullshit thing.
I am just glad I still had it in me to find that and to be in the moment without hesitation or guilt.
Clearly I am still growing, and growing WITH Autism.
Yeah for me :)