Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Monday, October 25, 2010

What Autism has taught me this year...

I would've done this for every year, but too late:)
I was inspired by my good friends blog to list the things I've learned over this year...it was a great year :)

1. You can find beauty in everything and everyone
2. Never judge someone or a situation, you really have NO clue what their life is like
3. Smiling is the best thing you can do for yourself and those you love
4. Patience is a virtue
5. I have qualities in me I never knew were there
6. The human brain is a magical, amazing thing, we may never understand it
7. I really do love being a mom
8. I am a good person
9. I love my friends more each day
10. Sweatpants are a saving grace
11. As far as life obstacles for humans, this is one of the big ones in my book
12. Most people don't know anything about Autism
13. What people think they know about Autism is for the most part incorrect, or purely scientific data they repeat from news stories
14. It is not worth loosing your temper over small things...or anything really
15. Life is how you decide to look at it
16. Every day is full of choices
17. Never assume anything
18. Don't take anything personally
19. Go into every situation open minded and ready to receive anything
20. Everyone deserves respect
21. Listen before you act
22. Love, in its purest form, is the most life changing thing that can happen to you if you let it

peace :)

Monday, October 11, 2010

I thought I would have learned this lesson a little earlier considering Kannon has great difficulty expressing himself using words.

I have found that people say so much more with their actions, than with their words.
I have found words to be very tricky actually...
Words involve a lot of factors along with them...tone...intonation....volume...etc...

Either what we are hearing is wrong, or interpreted incorrectly, but usually I find that we mis- communicate with our loved ones every single day.
We all know how this works with our spouse/boyfriend...they say one thing, we take it another way, and all along they meant something else entirely.
Yet, we argue about it until we come full circle...because of words and all that comes with them.

Or, someone says one thing, but really are hiding other truths within themselves and are either embarrassed or scared of letting the truth out. So, in essence they dig themselves a deeper emotional pit to get out of someday.
Such work we make for ourselves sometimes...

I have come to love this, and appreciate that my son has to always live in truth and cannot manipulate his situation at all due to his lack of language....at least for now :)
Never thought of it this way...
He has to always deal with the emotion that arises within him.
He can't talk it off...lie it away...he has to feel it and act upon it at that moment.

This is why he is a very intense kid to be around, but it is also never a guessing game with him.
No underlying drama...it is all out there.
And quite honestly may teach us something about human nature.
He is a happy kid 95% of the time....always smiling, always looking for fun, laughter and the beauty in any situation.
Words don't hurt his feelings either.
Except for "NO"...but not many people like that word.

I have, without consciously realizing it, had to raise my son on pure actions...NO words.
This is why raising a child with Autism is difficult.
There's no lying our way out of situations...words alone allow us of that.
Any mistakes I have made with Kannon have all been completely honest and have made me always think before I act.
I have to constantly face my actions with Kannon every minute of every day.
It is very hard, but has taught me to be a better person in so many ways.
I feel this is what has taught me patience...it really is a virtue.

I find the older I get in my relationships with people this becomes so rare.
I like living in truth...even if it isn't pretty.

Actions always speak louder than words, and those who really know and love you will see this.
They will see right through you if you are lying or hiding truth from them or yourself.

So I guess we should all try to be more honest with ourselves....even if we know the consequences. It will free you in so many ways...believe me, I know.

Kannon taught me that :)


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

thank you

My heart is very heavy and sad today.

I have come to realize that there will never be enough help out there for these kiddos with Autism.
Even if a family is lucky enough to find the best therapy/therapist out there, it will only last until the money is gone, or until the therapist must move on to better themselves.
I understand that the need for help outweighs the resources available, and it is beyond frustrating.
I also understand that most of these people that offer their help, whether paid or not, are nothing short of angels. The sad, political side of it all is that they just don't make enough money for all that they do.
Just like teachers, these therapists are underpaid and I would suspect in some cases under appreciated.

It makes me so sad that most of us have to rely on faith to keep going.
There is no solid "plan" in place that would allow us to put our intellectual faith in any sort of system out there.
No matter what intentions an organization sets up for themselves, in the end it all comes down to money....duh...but I still hate it.

With a disorder like Autism families/people are forced to live off of faith....
Most of us have little to no money, and the money we do have is all put towards these kids and their recovery....or the hopes of a recovery.
I am not complaining about the money our family has invested in Kannon.
It has been worth every penny.

I just wish that there was a way I could find peace with my faith in this life journey, and know that it will all be o.k.
Not perfection, just o.k.

I just want to know that there are people out there other than myself who love these kids as much as their families do. Maybe not completely possible, but you know what I mean.
And, when we are lucky enough to have these people in our lives, how we can keep them there...
without restricting them, or forcing them.
I also wish that the therapists who help these kids everyday would know just how much they are appreciated and hope that they don't loose sight of the bigger picture when politics get involved in their job.

The best gift that can be given to a family affected by Autism is time, love and acceptance.
I know how it feels when someone genuinely tells me what a good job I am doing as a mother.
Especially as a mother to a child who has Autism.
I have become a better mother because of the help and guidance of these therapists and the therapy they practice.

I hope someday the system can catch up to this concept.
These kids are more than charts, numbers, or $
Their mere presence in a room can change your life, put a smile on our face, melt your heart.

I am thankful to those few in our life who have affected us so deeply...the showing of human compassion and willingness to grow and open your minds/hearts has not gone unnoticed.
What you do is revolutionary and beautiful.

Unfortunately these kids have no choice in the matter when it comes to having Autism, but fortunately for them there are people out there that do choose to deal with it...

peace :)