Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Friday, July 23, 2010

Our 2 Visitors today :)

We had a visitor today...actually 2 of them (they know who they are :) )
It reminded me how wonderful Kannon is.
He is so loved.
He is Inspiring...one of our visitors said that today....it made my heart melt.
Sometimes I forget how much he inspires my heart...he is truly so special.

He fights so hard every day for the smallest of things in life.
Most people buzz around getting by, when Kannon can't even say "I love you" to me.
He struggles to find 3 words to piece together to tell me what he wants or needs.
I see my little man struggle SO hard every single day.

But not today.
Today he had true friends here with him.
Friends who let him run around and laugh...and just play...be himself.
He had someone to sit next to and watch a movie with besides me.
He had someone to put his hand on...someone who understood him without judgement.
People who truly believe in his soul...his potential...his heart.
Kannon has a few "angels" in his life...I hope someday he can thank you personally with the words YOU helped give him. After all, without people like you Kannon would be a very different kid. He would not be as happy as he is...because he knows he has friends in you.
He trusts you.

So rare are these days that I had to write about it.

Everyone has angels in their life.
You just have to be open enough to see them and to allow them in.
Even the smallest of gestures can touch the heart in the biggest of ways.

Thanks to our angels.
You truly are changing the world...small little worlds like ours.
We love u :)


Thursday, July 22, 2010

TO judge or be judged...

It is inevitable.
I would rather be on the latter part of that statement.
Only because I don't like to judge people...not that I haven't in the past, but I find it unflattering and plain out bad karma.
I think only because I had such hard times fall upon me I learned that lesson the hard way.
I was judged very closely by some, and I didn't like how it felt...so I stopped doing it too.

I like to share my opinion on life matters, but I don't like telling people how to live their life or if they do something a certain way it makes them a terrible person.
It is not my place to do that.
It is no body's place to do that.

Whatever decision(s) one makes in life is their own.
However they react or attend to a life situation is their choice.
As I have shared in the past, I feel life is all about Choices.

You learn from these choices, you feel your way through it all...and that is beautiful.
That is life.
That is learning.

Sure, we all fall on our asses...but you find out who your real friends are when they pick you up and laugh WITH you.

I know people judge me as a mother with a child who has Autism.
I see it every single day.

Bring it.
I like the challenge.
I choose to be open minded enough to open my heart and experience to hopefully better human souls.

For better or for worse, this is my life.
I am grateful and flattered to share it with you...my friends :)


Sunday, July 11, 2010

Inevitable truths

I just met my neighbor who lives 4 houses down yesterday.
They have a son who has Autism and is 46 years old.
She stopped me as Kannon and I were walking the new puppy and started talking...for an hour straight...I think I may have said 2 or 3 things...
she noticed that Kannon had Autism and told me her story about their journey with the disorder.
It seemed that still even after all these years and struggles it still hurt her heart to live with Autism everyday, and that she still wanted someone to talk to about it.

It gave me a possible glimpse into my future with Kannon.
I have thought on occasion about the possibility of him living with me for the rest of his, or my life.
I will forever be his hands on caregiver...
He may never have friends like I dream for him, and may never marry or have a family of his own.
All my fears looked me dead on after talking to this lady, for she has been living it her entire life...and the pain was written all over her face.

I have talked about hope in the past, and I refuse to let go of it.
It is my warm blanket when I get scared....and believe me I am scared more than I may let on.
Sometimes when I pray at night I pray directly to "hope"...I want it to hear me and work it's magic.

At least there is one thing I can be 100% of...and that is Kannon will always have me as his friend...I will too someday share his life story, and I hope that it will be filled with wonderful things, accomplishments, laughter, pain and triumph.
I will never emotionally leave Kannons side, and when the day comes that I have to leave him and this world I can only hope the love left behind will be enough for him.
I can only hope he will remember me, because god knows what his mind is capable of...one of the many frustrating effects of Autism...

This is all as a parent that we can hope for our children...that our love, guidance, and time with them was "enough".
This is why it is the most important job out there...
and it is why life can be carried on with and passed down through the soul.
At least one can hope...