Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

An open letter

Yesterday Kannon and I went to the pool.
There was a neighborhood "guy" there whom we see walking around the neighborhood often, and he is at the pool all the time. To spare the long drawn out details of what led up to things I will cut to the point. This guy ends up calling Kannon stupid and then proceeded to hit him on the head with his boogie board while laughing...then as we left the pool as a result of this guys behavior he continued to call Kannon chubby and stupid as we walked out.
This is the third "incident" in months that Kannon was physically and verbally harassed at the pool.
A month ago a group of boys thought it would be funny to wrestle Kannon in the water while kicking him in the male parts and calling him fat and stupid.
I will spare my actions/words that resulted in these incidents. Point being, this is about Kannon and his responses to these incidents rather than my mamma bear going all bananas on these people.

Kannon suffers indignities like this often.
Unfortunate and sad, but it is truth. It is the reality that is out there and some people go through without any fault of their own. They suffer at the actions/words of others because they are misunderstood, different, or misjudged.

Do I like seeing my son go through these things? Is it wrong of me to act out on these people when I feel saying so would be hypocritical of me? My simple answer is No. My son has Autism. He is different. He cannot speak for himself and he doesn't have the emotional capacity to understand  bullying or why some people can just be assholes. He only sees good, even when it is bad. He finds the good in every situation. I on the other hand believe in accountability for ones actions...but that's another story.

What Kannon has taught me is to stop feeling victimized. He never once has acted as the victim. As mean as kids have been to him, as awful as it made my heart feel watching him being treated like this, he always walked away with love. Always. He forgave first, never pointed fingers or looked for blame.
He finds the bigger truth always. He has showed me to find truth before judgement, blame, or name calling.

Kannon always walks away from these situations with his head held high, even when he was in pain. Maybe it is the Autism, but he never let that pain overcome his truth. When there were tears from the physical pain, his emotions were always that of gratitude towards these bullies for taking time out to play with him. Some people will feel pity for that. I feel honored to see humanity at its best.
He is only human and he does feel pain, but he never plays the victim or pity card. He never places blame or name calls, even when he is being called the harshest of them. He rises above his own pain and finds his happiness is worth more than anything.
His happiness is worth more than anything.

As a mother I find it very hard to find my balance within these situations. I look to Kannon ironically for help. He always makes it easier to find peace. He never wants to make someone else feel bad. He forgives immediately, and I know if it weren't for me he would give them a second chance. As a mother I cannot, or will not emotionally allow him to walk right back into that situation. I used to in the past as I am a believer in second chances, but not when his well being is at stake. I have learned from the years of indignities he has gone through when to call it quits. I also know from experience that people who treat others poorly out of their own pain are never going to change.
So, we both walk away. No one being the victor, just knowing that sometimes walking away from certain situations and people is always the best decision....no matter who is right or wrong. No matter what the past held or relationship may have been.

Life is too short to put up with assholes.
The sad part is that people who are the assholes don't know it. They feel entitled to call themselves the victim. They feel they are in some position to make others feel blame or shame. They feel that in this world full of pain, wrongs, and judgement that they are the only ones in their story who suffered.
Eew. No thanks.
Some things just can't be forgiven...but that doesn't mean you have to carry it around with you. Let it go without blame, walk away and choose happiness.

And, if you see someone hit your kid over the head with a boogie board restrain your desires to punch them in the face...otherwise this would all be hypocritical rambling.