Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Monday, October 11, 2010

I thought I would have learned this lesson a little earlier considering Kannon has great difficulty expressing himself using words.

I have found that people say so much more with their actions, than with their words.
I have found words to be very tricky actually...
Words involve a lot of factors along with them...tone...intonation....volume...etc...

Either what we are hearing is wrong, or interpreted incorrectly, but usually I find that we mis- communicate with our loved ones every single day.
We all know how this works with our spouse/boyfriend...they say one thing, we take it another way, and all along they meant something else entirely.
Yet, we argue about it until we come full circle...because of words and all that comes with them.

Or, someone says one thing, but really are hiding other truths within themselves and are either embarrassed or scared of letting the truth out. So, in essence they dig themselves a deeper emotional pit to get out of someday.
Such work we make for ourselves sometimes...

I have come to love this, and appreciate that my son has to always live in truth and cannot manipulate his situation at all due to his lack of language....at least for now :)
Never thought of it this way...
He has to always deal with the emotion that arises within him.
He can't talk it off...lie it away...he has to feel it and act upon it at that moment.

This is why he is a very intense kid to be around, but it is also never a guessing game with him.
No underlying drama...it is all out there.
And quite honestly may teach us something about human nature.
He is a happy kid 95% of the time....always smiling, always looking for fun, laughter and the beauty in any situation.
Words don't hurt his feelings either.
Except for "NO"...but not many people like that word.

I have, without consciously realizing it, had to raise my son on pure actions...NO words.
This is why raising a child with Autism is difficult.
There's no lying our way out of situations...words alone allow us of that.
Any mistakes I have made with Kannon have all been completely honest and have made me always think before I act.
I have to constantly face my actions with Kannon every minute of every day.
It is very hard, but has taught me to be a better person in so many ways.
I feel this is what has taught me patience...it really is a virtue.

I find the older I get in my relationships with people this becomes so rare.
I like living in truth...even if it isn't pretty.

Actions always speak louder than words, and those who really know and love you will see this.
They will see right through you if you are lying or hiding truth from them or yourself.

So I guess we should all try to be more honest with ourselves....even if we know the consequences. It will free you in so many ways...believe me, I know.

Kannon taught me that :)


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