Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Monday, February 21, 2011

The big day has come...

Kannon is starting school this week.
He will be a first grader...he will be going to school 5 days a week, 6 hours a day.

After all the fear and nerves subside, I can more accurately reflect on the event...but for now I just wanted to share such a big moment in our lives.
For one, I will be releasing that motherly hold I have on my baby boy and allowing others to have his best interest in mind for most of the day....whaaat?!
You see, Kannon has become almost like an extension of myself.
I have held on to him for dear life for so many years...out of love, out of fear, out of necessity.
Now I must let go...at least a little bit...as parents do we ever let go?

Part of me feels great about it all.
How can I grow and accept everything unless I am willing to "try"
I must be open minded and put my faith in Kannon...
I know he needs this.
I know he will benefit from this.

It is just hard.
It is the beginning of a big leap of faith for my soul.

I will miss him.
I will miss hanging out with him in the morning and going on our morning walks together.
I will miss knowing that he is happy and "safe" here with me...

I will need to relearn myself once again
I will not have Kannon to lean on, he will not be a reason to not get personal things done.
I will have some personal time...

And honestly, it scares me.
But I welcome the challenge...
We all need challenges to move forward.
It has been my "turn" for so long...
I have had to take the first step on Kannon's behalf for years...and I have loved every minute of it.

But more importantly here, Kannon will finally be able to show how strong he really is.
How smart he is.
How wonderfully amazing and irresistibly funny he is...maybe even make some friends.
I know he will succeed in his new environment.

I am excited for my little man.
I will not hide behind my fears for him...
It is his turn now.

His turn.


1 comment:

  1. they are not small things at all. They are EVERY.THING.

    And that you can already see autism as a gift? I've been at this a while, and it is still difficult for me to comprehend. Your hope is infectious. :) XO