Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Hope rears its beautiful head...

I have always wrote about hope...
I have always believed in it and surrounded my soul with it.

This week it has shown me why.

Kannon started school and every single day has woken up with the biggest smile and anticipation of his day.
He wants to go to school.
He loves it :)
He has helped me pack his lunch, and helps decide what he will wear...he likes to dress up in button down shirts...so fancy.

As a mother to a child with Autism I always have to believe in things that sometimes just aren't tangible.
I have to believe in things that are out of reach
This week I have reached a lot of those things, I have found feelings so great that I only thought to be daydreams.
Autism is tricky like that...it likes to keep you constantly reaching...constantly searching.
But at times like this I know Autism is a gift.
Kannon starting school has been such a gift.
He has found another part of himself that was previously buried...there, but buried.
It has surfaced now and it is so amazing to see his soul reaching out from inside.
He is truly reaching and growing...and it is without words that I can express the joy it brings to see him so happy.

There have been so many sleepless nights that I would hope this kind of happiness for Kannon.
I hoped and hoped that he would find these things inside himself...I just never knew what or how it would all come to be.

I know some people might think starting school and all this talk of hope and reaching and happiness is over the top, or "simple"...
BUT this is why I write about such things.
In a world of Autism the simple things are what absolutely rule our world...they make everything that much harder for us sometimes.
This is why I write about simple things...people who really want to understand this disorder must know that the simple things are sometimes impossible for families living with Autism.
Sometimes we never get to experience the "simple" things in life...
AND/YET sometimes with Autism the simple things are all that we do get to experience.
It is all about perspective and patience.

I feel so often the world buzzing around me so quickly sometimes...(perspective)
People in such a hurry to get from here to there...(patience)
Like this morning at school while we were waiting for his teacher to come meet the class...we all stand there against a wall by the school buses and wait.
And I look down at Kannon who is just watching it all, taking it all in.

Then he stops and wraps his arms around me and nestles his little head into my side...
"momma look at the flower...it's SO beautiful mamma"
"what flower baby?"
"over there mamma...in the grass..."

I search and search...and through all the running chaos of kids around me there it is.
20 feet away in the grass...a dandelion...alone...happy to be out in the sun...reaching up towards the sky for better things...
Some may never see it because it is after all a "weed"...
But against the vastness of it all, it is still a living, growing beautiful thing just reaching for what feels good...for what it knows to be life...


peace :)

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