Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Different perspectives...same disorder

If you have a chance check out this blog and read the post, "My Autism Mirror"

It was one of the more honest posts I have read about living with Autism.
It struck a nerve, in an honest way...in a way that sometimes people don't like sharing because it can be uncomfortable.
I thought it was a great post and one that is worthwhile to check out...

Bottom line is that Autism really does suck.
It really isn't fun, or glorious, or pretty.
It really does force us as parents/people to face ugly truths every single moment.
In fact most of the time it is so frustrating and terrible that if you didn't have both feet planted on the ground and your head on straight you just may loose all control of things.

I still maintain my perspective that Autism is a gift.
I have accepted it into my life and I have made it something I can learn from in a positive way.
That doesn't mean it is fun though.
It just means I CHOOSE to deal with it in my way, in my head, with what I have to offer.
My way may not work for others...and that is how it should be.

Some people get "annoyed" or frustrated when people write about Autism in a positive manner.
I have read through tons of different blogs and comments, etc.
It is a mixed bag of both sides and everything in between, but there is an underlying resentment that comes out from parents who live with Autism.
I will stand by my belief that you make your own world whatever you want it to be.
No we cannot control anything with Autism, but you can control how you react to it and how you feel at the end of the day...

There is a fine line between hating the disorder and the innocent little person with the disorder...
They cannot help any of what they do.
They simply are trapped inside their body that does what it wants when it wants and they make everything ten times more difficult than a "normal" child.
Most parents truly get this...others have a harder time accepting the difference.
And believe me, I am NOT judging.
We all do the best we can...period.

One parent stated that there is nothing beautiful about disabilities.
That they are socially "ugly"
They may be right...
And this is why we must educate people on the things that can be beautiful...
That can be looked at in a positive light.

I too have been shit on, literally and figuratively many times.
I too have gone a week with only 4 hours of sleep while maintaining a household and acceptable level of sanity on my own....no help.
I too have been bit, kicked, punched, and screamed at for hours.
I too have cried myself to sleep months at a time.
I too am divorced and trying to raise 2 kids, one who has Autism.
I too have to listen to other parents complain about their "normal" children doing things that would be a Fabulous, no unheard of day in my world...
The list goes on.

But here I am.
Still standing and still able to see the beauty in all of this.
And yes, like the post from another mother living with Autism I too judge myself every single day...and it never gets easier.
I am harder on myself than any society could ever be...we do that to ourselves.
As parents living with Autism we have no choice in doing so.

We all have our ways of coping.
It makes us who we are...and I can appreciate and learn from watching others.

I can only hope that each day MY way will get me out of bed and get me through the tough times...hopefully smiling...hopefully calm...hopefully hopeful for our future...

Hopeful that my love for Kannon will continue to grow so that my world can feel just a little smaller every day.

Hoping that "mirror" will get smaller and smaller until one day it is gone.



  1. You couldn't have said it any better. Your strength continue to strengthen my own resolve to face autism head held high and yes, feet firmly planted on the ground. Thank you!

  2. I checked out the blog you mentioned. It immediately put a big knot in my stomach and filled me with stress. I won't be back to that place but am glad you mentioned it.

    The more I go through this journey, the more I need balance. I'm pretty damn picky what blogs I read (don't have much time!) but I do stick with the ones who settle comfortably in shades of gray. Like yours. :) XO