Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Friendship in 2D...for now

There are moments I have experienced in my life because I live with Autism.
Moments that you could not make up...ones that don't even happen in the movies.

I see so much pain, struggle, solemnity within my child every day that sometimes I forget what I am seeing.
Part survival instincts, part denial, but overall something that Autism takes over within the little person standing in front of you.
Like it or not...it is truth.

Kannon is learning "cause and effect" concepts right now in therapy.

Scene: A picture in front of Kannon of a little boy crying because he fell down on the playground, his friends in the background looking on.
Therapist: "Kannon how does they boy feel?"
Kannon: "Sad"
Therapist: "Why does the boy feel sad?"
Kannon: "Because he fall"
Therapist: "What can he do to not feel sad anymore?"
Kannon: "Take a deep breath"
Therapist: "That's right, he can take a deep breath, now what can his friends do to help him?"
Kannon: "Say Sorry"

You get the point.
It is an exercise in understanding why? how? what?

This afternoon Kannon and I were sitting coloring at the table and we came across a picture of a boy in a magazine he found.
The boy was sitting alone on a playground with his hands on his face while all the kids in the background were playing, laughing...it was very similar to the one he saw earlier on.

Kannon comes over to my side of the table sits next to me and says "He's sad"
I say, "Oh, yes he is sad baby...why do you think he's so sad?"
Kannon: "He has no friends...he's sad."
Before I could get anything out he says to me: "Kannon no friends...I want friends"

After that he walked over to the couch and just sat there for about 10 minutes in silence.
He fiddled around with a sponge bob doll while he just sat.
Staring off into somewhere...his mind obviously running around with his emotions in a body that can't express any of it.

I can't imagine not having friends in my life.
I think we take it all for granted sometimes.
We don't really know how lonely we would be if we couldn't pick up the phone and talk to someone...just to have someone smile with us, someone to share this world with even in the smallest of gestures or ways.
Friends keep us grounded, they care enough about us to share their energy and time on us.
For better or worse, a friend sometimes is the only one there in your corner.

After sitting for awhile, Kannon got up and sat down at the table and started to draw a picture.
After he was done he came up to me and showed me a beautiful picture he had drawn...
One of himself and another boy.
His friend.
For now.
He hung the picture up in his room right by his bed...
"My friend mamma...Kannon's friend" he says to me while I watch him tape this drawing up on his wall.

Whenever that friend comes along in Kannon's life he will be one lucky person for sure.
For Kannon has been waiting a long time for him.

And I can guarantee that he will never be taken for granted.

Another life lesson courtesy of Kannon and his beautiful ways in his own beautiful world...
Consider yourself lucky if you have friends...or even A friend.
Keep those drawings of them close to your heart...or as in Kannon's case on his wall...for now.



  1. I never considered this before. How very true indeed that I have often taken the gift of friendship for granted. Now I ask the question myself, " will My Garret have friends? or even know the meaning of friendship?" I have no answers for now but I have hope. and I have love for my son. And so do you--the greatest love Kannon will ever know. And I think, that this will surpass any form of bond there is. After all, love begins in the home. And from the way your words speak, Kannon is very blessed, secure and loved. Again, thank you for the inspiration.

  2. my daughter is only 4 so i yes ive had this thought but havent gotten that far yet. Thanks for reminding me Im not alone. Your son and Your daughter are very blessed to have you! and you to have them. keep it up