I will admit that I have been in quite the funk the past month...
Things got to me, and I lost a little of my normally optimistic and joyful perspective.
Anyways, I feel better...I am back on track and my heart is well on it's way to being full with joy again.
One of the things that put me back on track was a Birthday party that Kannon and I went to over the weekend.
It was his first Birthday party invite :)
It was one of his classmates, and one that Kannon likes to play with and they get along great...
So of course we were going.
It dawned on my while we were driving to the party that I was unusually calm.
Not that I am the type of person who gets nervous or worked up, but I do tend to feel anxious at times when taking Kannon into unknown social situations...I never know what to expect.
From him, from the environment, etc.
None of these thoughts came across me as we were driving to this party...and it made my heart content.
I knew that the other kids there, like Kannon, had Autism.
I knew that the other parents there understood all I have and am going through...
I knew there would be yelling, hand flapping, movie echolalia, all the beautiful ticks that Autism brings to the surface of these amazing kids...
More importantly I knew that Kannon was going to be surrounded by his friends...even if only through school, they were still familiar faces to him that he was seeing outside of their normal environment.
This made my heart happy.
It made Kannon's heart happy.
The most interesting thing of it all was that Kannon behaved beautifully.
No tantrums, no non compliance, no yelling...
Just smiles, laughter, and a very calm body.
He sat still, he listened, he never once blurted out his Scooby Doo movie that is currently running through his head...
In a way, it was as if he was very normal.
All these kids were great...no problems, nothing...just pure joy.
It really was a sight.
Maybe they knew that they were in good company.
Maybe they understood that they could really be themselves without demands being placed on them.
Maybe Autism really is that tricky.
Or, maybe they knew that they were at that moment surrounded by true love and compassion.
It had to be something in the air, because it was awesome.
Whatever it was, it reminded me that I do need to always try to see the positive in all of this.
I need to let my guard down, I need to allow Kannon to experience his life.
I need to be able to watch him without fear of judgement or intervening.
I need to let go of my past insecurities...
Most of all I think I needed to be reminded that there are tons of other kids out there just like Kannon.
There are tons of families living with Autism.
I am not alone.
I am not alone...
Neither is Kannon.