Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Monday, June 13, 2011

ego? not in this house...

Egocentric: "Limited in Outlook"... "Interested in only personal needs"...

I lost count of how many times I have seen this word used in Kannon's piles of reports.

By nature, apparently, children with Autism have a tendency to be egocentric.
Obviously not by choice, but by the graces of Autism they exhibit this behavior of looking as if they are in their own world, that nothing else matters, only their agendas.

I however, look for breakthrough moments.
We all do as parents.
Even the smallest of victories are the biggest of differences within our hearts.

Kannon had one yesterday, and I had to share it.

Kalena had her big dance recital on Sunday, so most of last week and the weekend was dedicated to running around getting her to dress rehearsals, buying tights, make up, snacks, etc...
I barely had a moment to stop and breathe...but as always everything got done...in the nick of time.

I was a parent helper, which is something I may never do again...being in charge of 15 girls with hair and make up and all the drama...good lord it was the longest 3 hours of my life.
Anyways, point being is that I was not able to be with Kannon during all the excitement to see how he was handling everything....the noises, the crowds, the auditorium...

Kannon was with his dad, so I knew he was fine, I just wanted to make sure he was FINE.

Well the show went off well, Kalena danced her little heart out and made me so very proud.
Another moment I did allow myself...I allowed myself to put Kannon's needs on the back burner so I could really be there for Kalena.
She was so excited and so nervous, that I needed to be there for her at this moment...not worrying about if Kannon was holding his ears because of the noises.
I let go, I was able to give myself to Kalena 100%, and that can be a rarity around our home with Kannon's demands.
It felt really good to be there for her, and my heart needed that.

After the show was over all the family came pouring backstage to collect their little ones and give hugs and flowers.
And there in the corner by the back door I saw Kannon.
Waiting quietly by his dad holding a bouquet of purple flowers, which is Kalena's favorite.
The moment he saw me he walked towards me and said "Where's Kalena?"
I gave him a big hug, then we walked into the room where all the girls were waiting.
Kannon walked up to Kalena, hands her the flowers and gives her the biggest hug and says "Good job Kalena, you are a Princess"
He touched her face, and said "So beautiful"...
Then he touched her long dress, smiled and told her once again "good job Kalena"...

It had never been so clear that Kannon was proud of his sister.
He was beaming with joy that he got to see her dance in her costume, and that she was his sister.
He continued to tell anyone that would listen that she was his sister and that she was a Princess...

So take that "egocentrism"

Kannon clearly over took you on this day, and man did he ever let his heart pour out in pride.
This day had nothing to do with him, and he could care less...he could care less that Kalena was surrounded by people and getting all the attention, he could only care about how beautiful she looked in her make up and costume...and how this moment was clearly hers.

Moments like that show me that Autism can be overcome.
Moments like that show me the heart is the most powerful tool we have within us.
And, moments like that showed me Kannon really can be an older brother, that he can do all the things an older brother should...



  1. I am in tears right now reading this...Thank you so much. You have reminded me that beyond all what Autism barrages us with, love breaks through. And yes, love is the only thing that overcomes autism, egocentrism and all. What a beautiful way to start our day today. Thanks again!

  2. I love this story! Obviously reminds me of your dancing days. I bet she did look like a princess! And Kannon's reaction is priceless! Keep the moving and inspiring posts coming...miss you. We are talking about a possible Disney trip next year :) Would love to see you!