Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Sleep? Not in this house...at least tonight :)

As I write this Kannon has been trying to go to sleep for the past 3 hours.
He has come out of his room 3 times, gone to the bathroom twice and has not stopped talking to himself for even a minute.
He hasn't done this in about 3 months, so I have the energy to stay up and listen to him just in case he has one of his tantrums...I am not too tired so that I can't stay up for the rest of the night if I need to.

It does bring back painful memories though of the nights when I would be doing this for the 5th day in a row without much sleep...knowing I would have to be alert in the morning for therapy, for life, for society.
I was a zombie.
I am surprised I survived to be honest.

I am almost ashamed that I drove with my kids in the car with only 2 hours of sleep for the week.
It is amazing what the human body can make it through.
It is amazing something "bad" didn't happen...

I watch those survival shows, Man vs Wild...Dual Survival...
I always cringe at their ability to survive what they do in the conditions that they do.

If they did a reality show on living with Autism it would be 10 times worse.
No joke.
It just wouldn't have the pretty scenery...no green trees, landscapes, sunsets...

No, instead there would be a messy house, bags under our eyes, dirty laundry everywhere...
Reality. At it's raw core. At least for those of us who know Autism.


But you know what?
I made it out alive, just like those survival guys.
I am still standing.
I am still able to come back to this environment when I have to.
HAVE to.

Not for cameras, not for a profit, not for entertainment.

No, I come back to it because Autism makes me.

It's o.k though.
At least now I am better prepared for it.
I have my survival gear.
I have the knowledge and strength to get me through it all.

SO...do I get some sort or prize?

Yes I do.
I get Kannon.
The best prize ever...


As I typed that last word he came walking down the stairs peeking around the corner at me...
With a pillow wrapped in his arms...he has also changed into school clothes...button down shirt, jeans...
"Momma want to sleep...?"

No. Kannon, let's do this.
Let's hang out...
Let's wear out Autism tonight.

I'm game.

peace :)


  1. Your fighting spirit is relentless. And yes, Kannon is not only your end prize. He is your life's purpose. :-) Thanks again for the inspiration.

  2. you are beautiful & very, very unique. XO