Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all
And sweetest is the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm...
~Emily Dickinson

Friday, October 14, 2011

Just to clarify my "fluffy" ness...

Without beating around the bush I was sent an email in regards to my blog that was, well not the nicest feedback one could hope for :)

I wanted to share my insight to the person(s) e mail mostly because I think it is worth responding to in some manner.

Without disclosing any specifics, to sum up their thoughts on me and my blog, they accused me of being "too excited" and "fluffy" in my ways of dealing with having a son with Autism.
They felt I was "unrealistic" in my views and of how I choose to see the positive in all of this, because according to them there is "nothing fun" or "pretty" about Autism.
So, they basically felt I should stop feeding people a bunch of bull**** and be more honest with myself and with my writings...

I will say with complete honesty that if I had read this e mail 4 years ago I probably would have let it somehow affect me and my thoughts.
I will say with complete assurance that today it had NO affect on me what so ever.
I can appreciate every one's view on Autism, especially if they have personal experience with it.
I can respect that we all have our opinions and the right to express them.
What I cannot do is let any of these things change my course and affect my outlook on life.

I understand that I may not appeal to everyone...I understand that people choose different ways of dealing with Autism.
Some may find my writings too "dreamy" or silly because of the little things I focus on.
We all do the best we can.
We all make our own choices.
BUT...just maybe it isn't a bad thing to read the insight of other people, especially when you can't see their perspective...

Different perspectives are wonderful...they are what make us all delicately human.

And you know the simple fact is that I do have terrible days with Autism.
I still have nights that go without sleep...that go into days...
I still have to deal with the tantrums, biting, hitting, SCREAMING, etc...
I even have days that I never leave the house out of complete exhaustion.

So, I understand why someone would say Autism is not fun or pretty or anything worth writing "happy" things about...
I can understand it.
But I will not live it.

That is why I choose to write about the moments or experiences I have that I am more than Autism.
Moments that quite frankly are nothing short of magical.
I still choose to learn from my life.
I know that at the end of the day all I have is my thoughts...actions...myself.

I must hold myself accountable for my actions and thoughts...because what other people think, or might think they know about me doesn't matter.
Self pity is never beneficial.
Neither is projecting your insecurities upon others.

In the end, all that matters is what you do.
How you choose to live out the moments of your life.
And I feel that any action or word spoken out of love can never be wrong...maybe misunderstood, but never wrong if it comes from love.

I choose to be more than Autism on most days...not all of them...
So do a lot of people.

Autism is not what defines me, but what has made me stronger.
I live and speak from the love of my son, not out of defense.
How can I not see the beauty in that?



  1. Well said. I tend to be pretty picky about the blogs I read - and if they're too "life is shit, woe is me", that's just not good for me to absorb that. It's like negative friends - I try to steer clear of 'em. I like the ones best that have a balance, and I try to write that way. I see love and wonder in your words, and expect you would write the same way if your kid was a paraplegic, if you were an earthquake survivor, or if you had cancer. It's an outlook, and we have a CHOICE on how to see things.
    I'd say, as someone who's been down this road for a while now, that the commenter's thoughts clearly lay out what they're going through themselves, and I wish them peace on their journey, as I do you. XO

  2. I'm so impressed by your ability to rise to the occasion (no matter what it is) and live your life with love and compassion every day. You inspire me to always try harder and be better. Your words are beautiful.