Being a mother is probably the most rewarding, challenging and enlightening experience one could choose in life.
I am not excluding you Father's, I just obviously can't speak from experience there.
I have found over the years that I am constantly evolving.
Changing, adapting, and even sometimes reverting back inside myself.
It is all because I truly believe all most women want is to feel loved.
To feel validated and accepted.
We are emotional creatures who thrive on life and the experiences around us.
Our environments directly contribute to our energy...to our overall feeling of well being.
This is where the strong in spirit really shine.
Those who can rise above feelings of inadequacy, shame and self doubt will be the ones who truly find life beautiful.
Self pity, selfishness and regret are like poison.
It also hinders the ability to be a mother.
This is why motherhood is so damn hard.
After all, we are all just humans.
We all are capable of feeling the same emotions, acting the same scenarios out, and making the same mistakes.
We are allowed to make mistakes...then we must pick ourselves up and move on.
No regrets, no shame.
This is sometimes easier said than done.
Sometimes we will continue to walk around with dirt on our face...and not moving forward.
There is no shame in falling on your face every now and then.
I do it every week.
However, I have learned how to get up quicker and brush it off with ease.
And, I don't look around anymore to see if anyone saw me "fall"
I have learned from all these falls that living in truth will set you free.
No secrets, no shame, just my life the way I am choosing to live it.
I don't care if people think I am crazy because my child wears a princess dress.
Who cares if I get looks when Kannon face dives into clothing racks looking for trash...
It doesn't matter if I only had the desire to put on sweatpants and no make up today...or tomorrow.
Nor does it matter if my to do list keeps growing by the hour. It will get done. Eventually.
It is my truth.
I do know that the fabric of my being is what matters.
At the core of it all I am good.
I have made mistakes, but I never doubted the fabric of my being.
I am living in truth.
I am being the best mother, friend and person that I can every single day.
Kannon's presence in my life taught me most of this.
The fabric of his being is one of the most beautiful I have ever seen...strong and colorful, yet sparkly and flowing...
I watch him live his truth out every minute.
He fights for truth and joy all the time.
He can't live any other way.
Autism won't let him lie, or cheat, or take the short way out.
He must face it all head on every day.
I am so lucky to be a part of his journey...of this beautiful person finding his path...exploring all life throws at him.
He is a warrior...he is my teacher.
Ironic that the name "Kannon" is one of the main Bodhisattvas in Japanese religion.
He/She is the goddess of compassion.
Every day people go pray to "Kannon" for help with their every day lives...to help find their way.
I found a picture, one of many, where some people in Japan were at the statue of "Kannon" praying, and at "Kannons" feet there lay beautiful fabrics everywhere...greens, gold, blues, reds...all sparkly and flowing...it was beautiful.
I somehow instinctively created my own little Buddha...and he is my truth.